Jason Permenter

Okay. Bear with me, here.

1. It was revealed in The Phantom Menace that The Force is all due to these intelligent, symbiotic, microscopic life forms called midi-chlorians, which live in every cell of “all living things.”
2. The more cells you have, for whatever reason, the more midi-chlorians you probably have inside you.
3. The more midi-chlorians you have, the more bad-assy potential you have with The Force.
4. MAJOR POINT #1: We should’ve been seeing the Jedi Order as a bunch of huge creatures binging on pizza and macaroni & cheese and soft drinks, in order to make more and more cells and therefore be more bad-assy. I’m saying it really should’ve looked more like a Dragon•Con convention inside the Jedi temple, not a space-age Gold’s Gym.
5. Anakin Skywalker, being the bad-assy-est (in terms of midi-chlorian count), had his arms and legs hacked off by Obi-Wan and others over the years, drastically reducing his body mass and, therefore, total number of cells. I mean, at some point, he just looked like a burnt sack of groceries, laying on its side.
6. Less cells = fewer midi-chlorians = less bad-ass.
7. MAJOR POINT #2: This should’ve rendered Vader a lot less bad-ass and a lot more Jar-Jar.
8. Just wanted to say bad-ass again. Bad-ass.