Jason is a Dumbass: a play in one act.

• COMCAST CUSTOMER SERVICE: Hi. What seems to be the problem?
• JASON: Hi. My Internet connection is down again. This is the third time I've called in the past few days and yesterday the last person and I figured out the solution and they said it was fixed for good now and I'm starting to get frustrated because I'm paying for this and I keep not being able to use this thing I'm paying for and if I have to take the modem in for replacement AGAIN and wait in line for an hour it can't even be until Wednesday and that's just not acceptable and of course I've unplugged and restarted everything—yes, in the correct order—and checked all the connections and see if oh. Oh. Huh. The umm... the coaxial cable was loose....wasn't screwed in. Okay so it's fixed and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's fixed now. It's all working now.
• COMCAST CUSTOMER SERVICE: Is there anything else I can help you with today?
• JASON: No. Thank you so much. I'm sorry.
• COMCAST CUSTOMER SERVICE: Have a nice day.
• JASON: *hangs up, weeps gently*